Original

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
I think not, because that has been done before
And you are an original
I could talk about your eyes and smile
And how they sparkle so bright
Whether it be the sun or moon that shines upon them
I could go on how your hair isn’t black in that picture, I swear
And how clearly it shows your light brown hair
As it falls on your shoulders
Curling down in a way that makes you that much cuter
Your skin, your lips, your body
I could go on about how I think you’re beautiful
But I know although romantic, it’s been don before.
I could tell you that you make me laugh at whatever you say
That you are more caring than Mother Theresa,
More loving than St. Valentine
And more fantastic than any other being I know of
But again, its been done before.
And it pains me to try and try
And think of what hasn’t been done
As the time ticks away I sit at this computer
Screen blaring and keys clicking away
And at the end of each line
The backspace key is hit furiously
Angry with myself that you deserve more
As I have a small freak out over a simple poem.
I think all these things about you
Because you’re like no other girl I’ve met before
And every day I see you I want to show you
Because I don’t think you realize
Just how special you really are
And every day I see you I want to be closer to you
Just to talk with you and say hello
Because I don’t think you realize
How much that would mean to me
To just be with you
And every day I see you I want so badly
To let you know how I feel
To tell you that I want to be with you
But I know I won’t be able to do it
I know that I’m probably NOT your type of guy
And trying would just hurt me that much more
Because if I try and fail,
Then no longer will I be able to just be with you
For fear of the awkwardness I have created
No longer will I be able to say hello
And have you bright up my day
As you smile back at me
No longer will I live in this oblivious world
Where I could dream that you care about me too.
Yet everyday I long to ask you
To have this question burning inside me
Finally let out, and the fire carries its course
And find out whether it will thrive or be extinguished
It was Shakespeare’s Cassius, who once said,
“The fault dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves that we are underlings.”
And with that I think everyday
That it’s my fault that I don’t have the courage
To ask someone like you to go on a simple date with me
That I need to man up and understand that if I don’t ask
This horrible phenomenon known, as nothing will occur
That this is my shot, and I’m just going to come up and ask
And whether or not you say yes
I’ll have finally gotten the courage to ask
And that as I stand up, this is my true moment
And I knock on your door, and you answer,
And I’m about to blow up with excitement,
And you open the door…
And I see your bright smile looking at me
And all of a sudden I came just to say hello
And to see what’s up with you
You then shut the door after we talk for a bit
As I walk back to my room in defeat
The fault is not in our stars,
But in myself for I am an underling
I spent all this time, trying to write you a poem
But not just any poem
A poem that would depict just how original you are
But after all this time I understand
That an original girl, deserves an original guy and,
I’m just ordinary
So lets try this poem again:
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
So soothing, wonderful, beautiful, ordinary you are not.
I know this day is the first of its kind,
While us winter nights, there are quite a lot.
So go enjoy this new summer day
Because for you this winter night…you’ve probably forgot.

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I Don’t Belong

Everyday I see you all laughing

As if you’ve known each other for years and are inseparable

Then reality hits and you’ve known met each other this semester

Everyday I hear you making plans

Whether it be for the big night out or excursions for weeks later

Then reality hits and I know that I just heard of this

Everyday I wish I could be closer to a group

To any group really

And just say the word I can’t stand hearing:

Click

Click goes the light and I’m in the dark

Click goes the clock and time is passing by too fast

Click goes the shutter and a picture is captured forever

Click goes the key in the engine as the taxi starts to go

Click goes my brain and makes me want to scream in the night

Clique is the thing I will never be a part of

And that’s why I hate that word

Because with every click I’m alone and scared

And people say that in college you find yourself

You will find your clique and everything will happen

But people don’t understand what their own words mean

They don’t understand that a clique isn’t being in drama

It’s not playing sports, writing poems, dressing in black

It’s a group you belong to

And most cliques don’t have a unifying similarity

And that’s what makes them so special

And every clique I see I realize that I don’t belong

I don’t belong because I feel like an intruder

And every conversation I am in I act like a guest

The guest who simply happens to live on the same floor

I don’t belong because you are not my friends

And no I do not like you

In fact I wish we knew each other better

But I am constantly left out of plans

Constantly tagging along at the last minute

And hearing the same phrase over and over again,

“If you want you can come with us.”

As if I’m simply a constant charity case

Who will probably never find a group I belong to

And I’ve never felt I belong except with one girl in my life

And she is currently a 2,839.27miles away by car

And as much as I want to make the trip

I don’t have the gas money for it

And everyday I feel like I don’t belong

And reminded by that constant click

Of the lights shutting off and me being alone

Of the picture of me standing by myself in a crowd

Of the taxi starting and leaving without me

Of the clock ticking away the time until I might see someone

And everyday I think to myself,

“Why?”

And this question is something that I ask myself most often

When thinking of reasons why I hate the word click

Is it I?

Is it I who can’t take the plunge

And try harder to be with people

Is it I who is afraid of rejection

And don’t want to get hurt

Is it I who keeps remembering my best friend back home

And whether or not she would approve of them becomes my decision

Is it them?

Is it them who see the flaws only I see in myself

And judge me for it harshly

Entering my subconscious and deciding to outcast me

Based on insecurities I can’t avoid

Is it them who are all so in common with each other

And I was wrong this whole time

Thinking that I can’t find diversity and should be with people

Who talk, think, walk, and act like me every second of every day

Is it them who take pity on me

And dare not enter me in the group

But invite me for the sake of hoping to cheer me up

And eventually I’ll be happier somewhere else

Why do I not feel like I belong ever

Why why why why why why why why…

And this isn’t just one group

The solution isn’t to try and find another group

I have

And every time I try it is the same results

The same feeling of being a guest

And a feeling of not being involved

As if they invite you last minute

Because they don’t want you to be alone

So invite you for the ride, like the new kid on the first day

And that is the transition for the big city boy

Going to the small city college

The new kid everyday

Everyday for the past 11 weeks

And at the end of this blog I finally understand the question of “why”

It’s fear

Fear that has driven me to think like this

Fear that has put images of self-doubt in my head

Fear that has assumed the worst

And Fear that has prevented the best

So for those who have come with me to the end of this drawn out blog

I now have a message to you

Don’t be afraid of what may happen

If you are like me, and are socially awkward

Or if you feel the kids already have an established group

Or if you don’t know what could be holding you back

Just look your fears in the eye

Take a deep breath

And stop feeling for a second

Because in that moment

The click isn’t so scary any more